This past week has been a really hard one for me. As many of you know and as I alluded in my previous post, I had some decisions ahead of me. Those decisions have been made.
A few weeks ago I applied for a job back home, thinking it was what I wanted, but not totally sold on the idea. I figured, might as well apply and see how you feel then. I applied, interviewed, and was well liked, much to my surprise. An unofficial offer was made to me, and I just had to wait until the official offer was made, so in the meantime I racked my brain with what I wanted.
I’ve just finally gotten to a place in my current state of being where I’m content, mostly happy, and feeling grateful for what I have. To move, start a new job, the same exact type of job I have now, seemed strange. Why would I want to make a horizontal move, when if I just wait a few months and god-willing more jobs open up, I could make a vertical move?
As I talked with close friends and family I started to wrap my head around the move and new job. I even told a few friends that we should get together soon, seeing as my proposed start date would be the 31st of this MONTH!! It seemed like the obvious choice. Of course I would want to move closer to home, have better pay, and be part of a bigger system with more opportunity. Yet I didn’t feel any peace in my heart. No peace, just anguish, yet I still kept plugging along with what I “thought” I should do.
When I got back home to MT I started packing up boxes. I wanted to take my fragiles home next time so nothing would get broken in the horse-trailer moving day that awaited me. As I packed up boxes, the tears came. I sat on my beautiful hardwood floors and sobbed. Nothing felt right with this. I’m not ready. Who would’ve really thought that statement would be coming from me. The kid who wanted to get the heck out of this place from the 1st month I lived here? No, this place is not where I want to live the rest of my life, not even another year. Maybe a few more months and then I’ll be ready. I know God has something else for me and that is why He granted me no peace.
So I graciously turned the job down. It’s not easy, going out on a limb like this, hoping something awesome turns up in the next few months, but somehow I just know it will. I don’t know what God has for me next, but I know I’m listening and ready. Even as I’m writing this I feel amazing peace, yet my crazy Kelsy brain is saying, “What did you just do?”
For now I’m going to focus on peace, finding it and hanging on to it. I will continue in my job and be grateful. I will love on my patients and be content with the beauty of where I live. The mountains in Washington really will never compare to what we have in Montana, although Washington has other things that Montana will never have ie: Laws that people abide or a way cooler license plate. The retro one they have now is so lame, no offense MT readers.
Thank you for your prayers, my brain didn’t implode-see previous post. One of these days I’m gonna get out of here, but it’s going to be for the right reasons and the right timing and I know it will be like a sweet release, and that’s the way I want it to feel.
6 comments:
Listen to your gut. I went with the plan for too long and ignored mine. I ended up in a marriage that's failed in less than two years, despite dating for seven years before that. I was "sure" that this was what I wanted too.
Peace is important. I hope you find yours.
Kels. I was SHOCKED. I confess, I read ahead to see what you were going to choose and I really was surprised (very happily surprised!). I am glad that you are sticking around so I can see more of you. And I am glad you feel peace with your decision. Most of all - I am so excited to see what is next in your life!!
I am with Julie, I too was shocked. However, I am so VERY proud of you. Far too often we put what we think we want in front of what God is really telling us to do, but you did the opposite. Way to go, Kels! Love you friend :)
I will join the "shocked" group... and the proud group and I would pretty much say everything Kelsey already did. I first cried out "oh no!" Then, "Yes, Lord, this is good." You are throwing off everything that hinders and and running with perseverence the race marked out for you...and therein is a precious peace. (despite that honest truth that I would have loved to have Kelsy B take us up on our standing offer) :) Love you
I actually am one who is not shocked Kels! Yes we talked yesterday before this post was written but for as long as I have known you - going on hmm 20 yrs - you have always whistled to your own tune. And despite this being something everyone else wanted for you - you yet again followed Kelsy. That is what I admire most about you - you are seldom if at all influenced by others - like this decision you knew all along what your heart was telling you - sometimes our minds get in the way! :) Something bigger and better will come along and that is why God brought this decision to you to show/tell you, "Yes you have opportunities in the comfortable, the known and that is fine if you choose that but if you will wait for Me - I will bring you something that will delight your heart." Kels you are almost at your year mark and what a great feeling to have been in 1 place as a new nurse for a year (and looks better on a resume!) haha....I love you from the bottom of my heart - you are my best friend and stay strong in you and strong in God because you can do all things with Kelsy and God :) I'm glad I have those two in my corner! :) love you friend!
I am so proud of you Kels. Keep following God and His peace will always be guarding your heart - even when it is beyond our understanding of the here and now. Love you friend!
Post a Comment