This Year I.....

 A year ago today I had my first day of work.  My first real job.  I still remember taking the stairs, trying to work out some of my nerves, as I hopped up to the floor I work on.  So nervous.  Glancing at everyone’s name badge, trying to find the woman who would orient me.  Still feels like yesterday.  But when I think of the people I’ve met, the people I’ve cared for, I know it couldn’t have been yesterday.  The differences I’ve made in people’s lives and the differences they’ve made in mine.  I know that couldn’t have happened over night.  That’s why I love my job.

This year has been up and down.  At three months I thought I was outta here as soon as possible.  I didn’t think this was for me.  The stress and pressure almost took me down.  At six months I evaluated where I was at career-wise and my nerves evened out a little.  Then at 8 months I turned down other options.  Now it’s been a year.  I’m still here.  I’m still learning.  And most days, I really love my job.

But this is where I am.  And for now, I’ll be here.

And this year……

This year I grew up.

This year I was a real adult

This year I paid all my bills myself.

This year I held on for dear life and made my goal.  I’ve lived here for a year.

This year I called home a lot.

This year I drove home a lot for living 400 miles away.

This year I saved money.

This year I cried with a patient.

This year I laughed hysterically in the hallway after a patient hit on me.

This year I went to Alaska.  Twice.

This year I went skiing alone.

This year I hiked alone.  With bear spray.

This year I went to the cinema alone.

This year I was alone a lot.  But it was okay.  It still is.  It has to be.

This year I learned how to be a good nurse.

This year I made a lot of mistakes.

This year I wished I hadn’t moved here.

This year I thought I made the worst decision ever.

This year I embraced the decision I made and accepted it.

This year I was offered a new job and turned it down.

This year I sat on my porch a lot and contemplated life.

This year I relied on God.

This year I bought so much fleece clothing in order to stay warm.

This year I made new friends.

This year I missed old friends.

This year I worked the night shift and was crabby a lot.

This year I learned to sleep anytime of the day.

This year I nursed a 42 day old baby back to health.

This year I got a temp of 103.8 down to 99.4 by the time I went home.  Triumph.

This year I danced in the tunnel under the freeway all by myself.

This year I cried for the patients I lost.

This year I cried a lot.

This year I kept calm when everything was going downhill.

This year I missed familiarity.

This year I got used to being out of my comfort zone.

This year I spent Christmas Eve alone, driving the streets, wishing I was home.

This year I felt defeated at times, but I am not defeated.  I have triumphed over this place and I’m a better person because of it.

This year I learned that tying a knot at the end of your rope and holding on for dear life, actually works.

I did a lot this year.  Wonder what next year will bring?