My weakness is that I care too much about my patients and often take my work home with me. Now, serves me right to think I don't do this, but to still use this in a job interview because I think it sounds good. Maybe deep down I knew it was true, but didn't want to believe it. I guess that's karma for you. Because I've made this answer a very real thing lately.
I often come home, lay in bed thinking about a certain patient, wondering if I did a good job, did I execute my job well, was I kind, patient, compassionate; should I have called the doctor, am I going to come back to work to find me patient died and why, was it me? Eventually I fall asleep, only to wake up later, still somewhat asleep, thinking to myself, I've got to go see my patients, why am I laying in bed at work? What is happening? I'm so tired, I just can't get up and go see that patient. Why aren't my legs moving? Why am I in my bed, I can't sleep at work? Later waking up for real, not getting any good sleep, go into work and all my patients are fine, alive, and I worried over nothing.
I try to let it all go as I walk out of the hospital after a shift. I recite "let it go" with every step I take. I tell myself I did everything I could, I may not have completely fixed someone, but I did all I could with what I had and what was expected of me. Yet I still doubt myself, thinking of other things I could have done on my drive home.
It's an illness and I've got to kick it. I guess I made my weakness come true, and it serves me right. But now I've got to figure out how to actually LET IT GO. It's a tough task to do and I think with time and more confidence in myself I'll be able to, but for now I'm righting it on my blog.....An official goal, I've written down, and I'm going to stop bringing work home with me. Okay, starting now.....
Maybe you need help letting go of something, let start together, now...
3 comments:
oI used to do the same things too, except it wasn't life or death. Still, I'd replay conversations with parents, hoping I had been sensitive and honest about their child's disabilities. I'd think about how I handled a meltdown. It's hard to let it go when you care so much - about the patient and about doing a good job. But, you might burn out. And you deserve to rest and relax when you aren't at work! :)
I just recently let something go, as evidenced by one of my most recent blog posts. I have to decided, just this past Saturday night at church, to pray for these people ( the former bullies". So I am praying that they are released from their torment. The torment that has burdened me since last summer. That's all I can do, right? And why not do it through prayer? I will pray for you to be released from your torment too, however I think your torment is much more positive than theirs! Good luck!!
~Melissa
Banish it and let it go if that if needed--However~ Another possibility: Ask God to harness it--ask HIme to take this so-called weakness which is part of who you are and let Him do something powerful and effective with it.
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