"I Love You"

She’s a hospice patient.  Admitted for several different diagnoses.  I was told on report she’d be a stick in my side all night.  Very time consuming.  Demanding.

She was.  Ordering me around her room.  I felt frustrated, but yet I kept returning to her room.  Checking in.  Feeding her ice chips.  She was ornery, but it grew on me.  To be so old, yet have so much spunk.  I figured she deserved to be well-cared for, so I spend a lot of time in her room.  I know, masochistic.  Everything on her little body hurt.  Just a soft comfort touch on her shoulder caused her pain.  I pushed the limit with my sense of humor with her, and I think she liked it.

She’d say things like:

Pt:  hmm, mumble, I need hmmnmm….

Me: what?

Pt: I NEED hmmslskd

Me: what?

Pt: Do you need to borrow my earing aids?!

It became clear to me, she was ready to go.  She told me how she was the only sibling in her family still alive.  She’d lost two children as well.  She asked me about my life….husband…children.  She was surprised when I told her it was just me.  She told me I had time and to not rush in to anything. 

Later in the morning her lab work was back and not looking so hot.  She needed some extra care.  I was explaining it to her.  She cocked her head to the side and asked “why?”  I stated why and did some more explaining.  She looked at me with her big eyes, too big for her tiny body, and squinted a little.  I looked back at her with the same look and smiled a little.  Then she said, “I love you” in the most sweetest, sincere way a little old lady could.  And I said it back.  

I went in to say goodbye in the morning because I figured she’d have placement with Hospice by the time I returned to work that night.  I told how much I loved her orneriness and that she should never change.  That she was a pleasure to take care of.  She thanked me for my care and told me what a great nurse I was.  That I was the only nurse who got her in a comfortable position the whole time she’d been here (It was probably the morphine I gave her).  She asked when she’d see me again.  My thoughts went to Hospice, death, and when would I see her again.  I didn’t know what to say.  What do you say in that situation?  All I could think to say was, “I’ll see you again, dear.  Someday.”  And I really hope I do.

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To see pictures and little bit of what went on during my vacation go here: My Sister's Blog