Report

At the beginning of each shift a nurse is required to get "report."  This is a time set aside for nurses to report off to each other about each patient they cared for and any pertinent information.  I've thought long and hard about the most ideal way to report off.  There is nothing like getting an awful report from a nurse, walking in to the patients room, and having them circling the drain.  This happens unfortunately and that's why I've tried to perfect the skill of "report," so as never to do that to one of  my fellow comrades.
I thought it may be interesting for you to hear what a typical "report" sounds like.  There will probably be many terms or lingo that you don't understand, but stay tuned.  I will be doing a follow up of the nursing language, and that should be fun.

"Room 208 is Stinker McStinkerson.  He's 48 for Dr. Hotshot.  They did a PSIF of the L-3 though 4 yesterday, so today is post-op day 1.  He tolerated a general anesthetic with an astromorph spinal block, so he's been itchy and nauseous, nothing new there.  I gave him Phenergan last at 0400.  He has a #20 gauge in the right AC with D5NS going at 125/hr.  He also has a Morphine PCA at 1,10, and 30.  His pain is pretty well controlled, but I did cover him with 10 of Oxy at 0120 for break thru pain.  He's on a specialty bed, with SCDs and TED hose.  Dressing to lower back is clean, dry and intact.  He hasn't been up with PT yet, but will today.  Tolerating clears.  Dr Hotshot wrote for his home meds to be continued so he'll get Zocor and Lopressor this morning.  Family will be in today.  The plan is for him to go home Tuesday, but with all the pain meds we've given him, he'll probably be pretty constipated and we'll have to wait a day or two for him to poop.  Maybe we could start bowel protocol early?  Any questions?"