Controlled Environment

Do you ever look in people’s offices and notice how relaxed it looks in there? Oh, you don’t, well I do. We have a bunch of different offices scattered around the hospital and every now and again the doors are open to them. When I walk by I always glance in…noticing the lamp on the desk corner, the cushy chair, the pile of paper, and the coffee maker.

I think of my “office.” My “desk” holds syringes, pills, alcohol swabs, small pieces of paper that hold pertinent information. My computer rolls around on wheels, often banging into the wall or a door. My chair is my two feet.

At one point in my life I thought I wanted to be a big city girl, be an architect and walk the streets of Seattle with my coffee in one hand and briefcase in the other, all while I managed not to spill on my new skirt suit. Yes, I think I was 13, but still. I think a part of me still yearns for that space where I know what is going to happen that day, what I need to do, what is expected of me. I could go to work and feel assured, prepared for anything. I wouldn’t be overwhelmed with an 18yr old with a fever of 104.2. Or trying to track down a doctor to get answers for a patients unhappy daughter. When I go into work each night I never know what is going to happen. It’s different every night.

While I still think of that office job I thought I wanted when I was young, I know I would only like it for about a week, maybe two. It is controlled, and I love control, but there are issues that come along with that too. Plus if I sat in an office all day I’d have to go home and work out every day, as a nurse I don’t have to because I get a pretty good workout while I’m at work! Ha, don’t you all love how I think!

I know I’m a nurse for a reason. I can make a difference in people’s lives. That’s why I became a nurse; to be there for the vulnerable. I know it’s always going to have it’s ups and downs no matter how long I do it, but every now and again I’d like to sneak into one of those offices, sit in the big comfy chair, prop my feet on the desk with a cup of coffee, and know I’m not in charge of anybody's life that day.