Chewed Up and Spit Out

WARNING:RAMBLINGS AHEAD....NEGATIVE, TEAR FILLED RAMBLINGS...

Last night I was chewed up and spit out. The night had gone really well. My last of three. I was tired and ready to have a few days off.

I was trying to get a patient of mine to urinate. He was retaining urine in his bladder which is never a good thing. And when you are in the hospital, we don't just let you leave the urine in there, we like to get it out. I tried everything. Sitting, standing, running water, drinking hot tea(which only added to the problem). It was a last ditch option to call the doctor because I really didn't want to. This doctor, (we'll call him "Dr. Jerkhead," in order to respect his privacy), is not a very nice man, and his reputation precedes him. But alas, I had to call him. It was before midnight, the first time I called. He wasn't the nicest, but not aweful. I ended up having to call him again, early morning. 5:30am. My patient was throwing up at the possibility of me putting a catheter in him in order to drain his bladder, literally. Like when I said catheter, immediate vomit. I don't blame him. So I called Dr. Jerkhead to get my patient some medicine to stop throwing up. When I called he was very rude, short with me, even yelling, saying, "Well what do you want!" I said, "Zofran?" Jerkhead, "Fine, give him some Zofran." Hey dude, you're the doctor, why don't you decide what you want. He had already hung up the phone as I said thank you and goodbye.
As I hung up the phone, immediate anger flashed through me. I thought of all the things I wish I would have said. Like, on "You've Got Mail," when Kathleen wants to call people "bottom-dweller..." I was thinking of some different things to say like; "I'm sorry Dr. Jerkhead, I'm trying to do my job, don't be rude to me for THAT." or "Dr. Jerkhead, I've been here for 12 hrs, watching your patient, making sure he's comfortable, breathing, peeing. I've been on my feet, worrying, praying for pee. You've been in bed, answering your phone every now and again, but still getting paid about 5 times more than I, and you have the decency to talk to me like that? You're mother would be ashamed."

After the anger flashed through me, then my real emotions came. Tears. Because I'm still a meek and quiet nurse with thin skin who feels every jab made at me. One of the worst and best things about nurses is we are compassionate and when people cry, we come running. But when you're totally embarrassed about crying, you just need to be left alone so you can get it together. That doesn't work when people try to comfort you. Eventually, I got it together so I could do my job. I gave my report to the next nurse coming on, got in my car, and drove home.

Now, as I wake up this afternoon, I'm still angry. I wrote this whole post in my head as I stood in the shower trying to scrub off the awful feelings I have for Dr. Jerkhead.

Next time I will try to take things less emotionally, grow some thicker skin, and next time I will not be afraid to demand respect. He is my co-worker no matter how much money he makes a year.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to write this post to make you feel bad or pity my awful night, but I needed to chew him up and spit him out, and this is the place it ended up.

Stay tuned later today, I'm going to try and post some pictures of my great week with family and friends. I hate leaving my blog on an angry note.