Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover

That first night I formed a negative opinion.  She was bossy, ungrateful, and negative.  Anything I tried wasn’t going to help her.  She fought me when I moved her.  I cringed when I saw her call-bell light up.  I felt utterly exasperated, but tried to keep my patience, as others didn’t have as much patience with her.  But secretly I was feeling so annoyed at the thought of caring for her the next two nights.  The next morning when I passed off care to the next nurse I said, “She has a bad attitude.  Good luck.”

I came back that night for more fun.  Things seemed to be improving.  Her pain was better controlled.  She wasn’t fighting with me about what meds she would and would not be taking.  She opened up a little and told me about her child.  She was very devoted to being a mother, you could tell.  She slept well that night, and my attitude toward her changed.

Night three I had time to chat with her a little bit in the morning.  She was awake early so I went in to check on things.  We got to talking.  I learned that her middle-aged child has terminal cancer.  They were organizing Hospice visits.

I immediately felt a sour feeling from the tips of my fingers all the way down to my toes.  No wonder she had a negative attitude, no wonder she wasn’t coping well, no wonder she wanted to be in control.  I had an epiphany.  No matter how any patient treats me in the course of my care for them, I cannot judge.  I must give them the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe they are cranky because their child is dying.  Maybe they are anxious because their depression is getting the best of them.  Maybe they are yelling at me because at home they are the one getting yelled at.  It’s not up to me to provide care based on how I’m treated as a nurse, but to strive to provide great care regardless.

The moral of the story is this:  When someone cuts you off on the freeway, don’t get mad, maybe they are racing to the hospital to be there for the moment of first or last breath for a loved one.  When your cashier is rude to you at the store, don’t be offended, maybe they have been in a long line of bad days and just can’t rise above today.   Give people the benefit of the doubt always.  I know it gets old some days.  But try, because you can’t judge a book by it’s cover and you just don’t know what’s going on in a person.  Give ‘em a little wiggle room.

PS- Above said patient told me I have a “gentle touch” and it made my day.