Tonight I rode my bike out on the paved trail along the waters edge. I packed a dinner consisting of a sandwich, apple, licorice and soda. I rode out to the spot where you can get a direct view of the mountains, the angle of the sun setting just right. I sat down on the bench there and ate. After finishing my delicious apple, I sat and waited. I watched the sweet couples stroll by, hand in hand. The sweet old lady walking her little dog. The skinny biker men fly by on their wafer-thin bikes. I waited for the sun to set. I had timed it just right, and now it was time to just be.
The sun cast a familiar line across the water, pointing right at me. The boats that sped by didn't distract me. All I wanted was to take in this perfect moment when everything around me is still and silent because I am so enveloped by this beauty. I stare directly at the sun as it slips behind the mountain line. You can see it trying to sneak it's way through the trees there. And then just like that it's gone. One moment I'm sitting in the brightness of it, then I'm sitting in the dark, unaware of what to do next.
I immediately think, this is SO my personality. One moment I'm bright and cheery, full of joy and ready to take in the world. The next it's gloom and despair, not sure what to do next or how to find that sun again. I wish I was one of those constant people. Those people you can count on to just be there. They are calm and encouraging, and in those rare times where they are not, you think the world has fallen apart. Well, at least I think that.....because I'm not one of those people. I'm one of those roller coaster people. Which is actually quite ironic because I've never had the stomach to handle actual roller coasters. I guess it would make sense, put a roller coaster(me) on a roller coaster- not a good situation.
I long for a balance. That's what I need. A balance. I need time to just quiet down, take a few deep breathes and start again. Maybe you think that sometimes too?
So I'm going to say this to remind myself and you: Every day the sun rises again.
2 comments:
O Kelsy! I was right there with you tonight. I was transfixed by the sunset and then stunned as always by how quickly it left and darkness came. You are so right--it does mimic living life. But I disagree on your need of balance--I think you do have balance--that's what the swinging of the pendulum does, it creates balance. It is just that the extremes to the right and left FEEL unbalanced. Still they are essential parts of the whole.
I also recently read something about dark and light that I had not noticed before in Genesis. It states over and over, "and there was evening and there was morning, the first day...evening and morning, the second day" etc. What I hadn't take note of before was that each day BEGINS with the night--the dark time. Day is not the beginning of newness and a fresh start, but Evening and darkness (when everything is unclear and unsettling) is the very beginning!
PS I like the updated version of your "about me" section :)
I think by creating that time to be and sit and think and enjoy, you are creating a calm and a balance to your life. Feeling the highs and lows is much more of real life than speeding along at warp speed on the happy trail or sinking totally into darkness. Like Sue said, when the pendulum is swinging is when you are creating balance.
Post a Comment